Singleness Doesn't Mean Loneliness

I’m not much of a fan of dating.  The whole process of meeting someone, getting to know him, and then realizing…nope he isn’t THE ONE.  I find it very tedious and unfulfilling.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with another adult, having an adult conversation, but the older I get the more I’ve become protective of my time.  I’ve been married and I’ve been in committed relationships, but they didn’t work out.  It took quite a bit of time to realize this, but the primary reason those relationship didn’t work out was because I hadn’t nurtured the one relationship that needed nurturing.  I hadn’t worked on my relationship with me.

A few years ago I found myself unattached, or not involved with anyone.  Shortly after that, I became very conscious of the fact that it was the first time in my entire life that I was not involved in a romantic relationship. You see, I met my first boyfriend when I was sixteen years old.  He became the father of my children and my husband.  Obviously, the relationship didn’t end with happily ever after.  I’ve been in relationships since, but again, no happily ever after.  I would venture to say that I’ not the only person guilty of jumping from one relationship to another.

We all want companionship.  However, many of our relationships don’t last because we haven’t come to terms with who we are as individuals. Singleness has been equated to being lonely or incomplete, but in fact singleness is about being whole.  Synonyms for single include words like distinct, individual, or separate. To be truly single means that we are individuals, but the problem is that many of us rush into relationships without understanding who we are as an individual.  In his book, Single, Married, Separated, and Life after Divorce, Dr. Myles Munroe states, “Until you are a separate, single, unique, and whole person you are not actually ready to marry!” I was guilty of that, and it wasn’t until this season of being unattached to another person that I’ve been able to figure out who I am, and appreciate who I am. What I’ve come to realize though is that many of us are confused about the connection between love and happiness and relationships.  I’ve heard many people say, “I’m looking for someone to complete me.” No one should complete you, you should be a whole, complete, distinct individual all on your own.  You should be happy all on your own.  It isn’t another person’s responsibility to “make” us happy.  Another individual should add to the happiness that already exists.  Being single shouldn’t be about finding the next guy or girl, it should be about loving on yourself.  I think that we spent more time loving ourselves, we could truly love others, and show them how to love us.

In this season, I am able to actually enjoy my singleness. I spoil myself rotten, and I do what makes me happy.  I spend time with my sons and my grandchildren, I hang out with my girls, I write, I work out, I travel,  and some days I do absolutely nothing except hang out with myself, just because that’s what I want to do. My life is about doing the things that bring me joy, and I'm not waiting on someone else to bring it to me.  I have set standards and I’m not rushing into a relationship with a man because he likes me, I’m happy being with me. People tend to put a stigma on women when they are single for too long, but I believe many women are like me, single by choice.  When you know who you are, and what you want,  just any old body won’t do.

Until we are able to enjoy singleness or wholeness, we will not engage in healthy sustaining romantic relationships.  We must stop searching for Mr. or Miss Right and become whole, fulfilled and happy individuals until he/she comes along to add to that happiness.